I’m going crazy!

I mentioned in my last post that I felt like I was going slightly crazy with thoughts flying round my head 24/7..

Ryan and I are currently in Sydney, working and saving ready to travel in a couple of months. We’ve really not been doing much apart from working (and the occasional sun bathe to TRY and get a tan ..and I’m still paler than when I left England. BLOODY GREAT.) and as such I feel like with little-to-no distractions or brain stimulation that I have a million and one thoughts flying round my head and it’s starting to stress me out.

Okay so that sounds very dramatic, let me explain..

I’ve always had an obsessive personality; if I want to do something I want to do it now. I get super excited, determined and obsessed looking into the nitty gritty of what I want to do and how to do it. Then the thoughts constantly fly around my mind until I realise that actually, I can’t do it now because of X Y and Z.

X being money.

Y being resources/time.

And Z being that it’s not a current priority.

..and it’s like I’m a balloon, the realisation that I can’t do what I want is the pin popping my plan and I just deflate.

Knowing that I can’t do what I want to do RIGHT NOW makes me sad, all the excitement from my original thoughts and planning gone and I’m left feeling like that deflated balloon.

And I seem to alternate between the same thoughts/obsessions.

The main ones being my blog and my nose.

Where do I even begin with my obsession over blogging?

Well, I have my favourite bloggers that I keep up with, ‘stalk’ if you will. And I once had their blogs open in a tab on the computer and also my own.

OH MY GOD!

My blog honestly looks ANCIENT compared to theirs!

I only really view my blog on my phone so to see it side by side on a computer next to a couple of my fave bloggers was awful!

I already knew I wanted to revamp my blog, give it a major update, I just never got round to spending the money on a swanky new blog theme and new name, what with saving to go travelling and now actually travelling. And that’s just my take on the look of it..

Then there’s the below all floating round my head too;

• the type of content I want to be producing. Basically: Fashion. Or FasHUN if I’m feeling sassy.

• the camera(s) I want to buy

• and an ever growing list of clothes I want to buy, style and blog about (I’m having major withdrawals from fashion and beauty at the mo, so get ready for some random fashion posts on here so I can get my fashion fix. Apologies in advance)

Then there’s my nose.

Now those of you that know me personally know my nose is a massive thing for me – excuse the pun! (I’ll take the piss before anyone else does thank you! Ha)

I’ve hated my nose for as long as I can remember and always wanted a nose job since the very first ‘Pinocchio’ comment.

It’s no secret that in Australia you tend to earn more than what you would in England; and in my mind that means I could get my head down, work for 6 months, save and have enough money for a top notch surgeon to sort out the monstrosity that is my nose and even have some dollar left over. Something that would take me twice as long to do back home.

Over a year ago I did have the money to get my lusted after nose job ..I went and had a consultation, discussed the costs/risks/process and was serious about finally having the surgery..

But then Ryan happened..

That makes it sound like he came into my life and stopped me doing what I wanted which is not what I’m getting at here – ha!

What I am getting at is that he talked me into spending that money on something more worth while; experiences. Travelling and exploring this beautiful world that we live in.

I’d love to say I’ve learnt to love my nose, it’s part of who I am and I’m going to love the skin I’m in – but the truth is I WILL be getting my nose done at some point in the future, I’ve simply delayed it so I can have the most amazing experience travelling the world with the one I love. Which was definitely the right choice.

My sister once said ‘would you rather be at your desk at work with a new nose – or – travelling the world with the one you love?’ And I honestly can’t tell you how silly I felt for even debating whether to choose to travel or the surgery. Like I said it’s not ‘travel or a nose job’, simply ‘travel then a nose job’.

And it’s the same with my urge to do everything RIGHT NOW with my blog. I will do what I want with it, but not right now; it’s not the priority here. But saving my pennies to add even more memories wandering the world with Ryan is..

I need to remember this when I get these ideas in my head – take a step back, look at the bigger picture and just enjoy NOW and what’s coming next.

The rest will come in time.

This post has been slightly longer than I anticipated and I’m not really sure what I’m trying to achieve with it.

Maybe I just needed to vent my thoughts as they’re bulging out of my head and driving me insane – or maybe this is my way of giving myself a pep talk to stop worrying about things that aren’t really that important at the moment..

Just enjoy now.

Love Bumble x

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